Rich People are useful after all...

one pleasant afternoon last week (yes, there are occasionally pleasant days during the summer; they’re just too far and few between), two coworkers and i took a trip to a well-to-do suburb west of boston. we had been out for lunch when we decided that a frozen treat was in order before heading back to the office. luckily one of the two coworkers has both a sweet tooth and a degree from the college bearing the same name as the town to which we were headed so we set off with an expert at the helm.

upon arrival in said town, we parked and walked around the block to the highly regarded frozen yogurt emporium on which we had set our sights. as we were getting out of the car, i spied half a woman. she had all of her parts, mind you; they were all just about half as thin as they should have been. upon entering the establishment that sold nothing but frozen confections, we came across another half woman, this one holding a large dish of frozen something. at this point, i saw fit to confirm with my coworker, the local expert, that this wealthy suburb did, in fact, have grocery stores. she confirmed that there were three, including a whole foods, the holy grail for Rich People (not to be confused with the holy grail of the Truly Wealthy: personal chefs. one per household member, please.).

satisfied that this malnourished look was in fact malnourished-chic, rather than a banal distribution problem, i turned my attention to the board listing the flavors offered. as there were several tempting ones, i was still in the midst of deciding when a charming lady came in. after waiting approximately 0.2 seconds to see if we were ready to order, she asked us if we were ready in a way that made it clear that she knew that we weren’t and just wanted us out of her way. we obliged and stepped aside to continue considering our options. expert that she was, she curtly placed her order and waited for the pleasant girl of approximately 16 years to fill it.

as the young girl was handing over the woman’s frozen yogurt, the kind old lady took that opportunity to inform the young girl that she wanted her yogurt in a cone. she made sure to use that rude tone that people who didn’t order what they meant to and are now unhappy with being served exactly what they asked for always use. to the young girl’s everlasting credit and much to my amusement, she grabbed a cone and moved behind a partition where the curmudgeon couldn’t see her (but i could!) and proceeded to dump the softer-with-each-passing-moment frozen yogurt in the woman’s precious cone. she then emerged and handed the cone over and old woman had the good sense not to say anything further.

by this time, we had all made our decisions so we placed our orders, paid for our purchases, and went outside to eat them on the picnic table outside the door. while we were enjoying our desserts, another half person entered the shop. while she was inside, we speculated as to whether she was 16 and trapped in a 13 year old prepubescent waif body or a 22 year old trapped in a 13 year old prepubescent waif body. we were still trying to decide when she came out, crossed the street, and climbed into the driver’s seat of a range rover. unfortunately, this really didn’t solve the mystery as we already knew that she wasn’t really a 13 year old prepubescent waif. (it did, however, shed some light on that whole “skyrocketing gas prices” thing and that whole “depleting the ozone layer” thing…)

since we had finished our treats and it was hard to tell if the rising feeling of nausea was coming from having too much frozen yogurt in our stomachs or too much money in the hands of too few, we figured it was time to head back to work.

as we drove back to the office and continued to make fun of the spectacles that we had witnessed, it occurred to me that Rich People are good for something after all. as the only non-marginalized minority group, they are the only group of people that it’s stil socially acceptable to make fun of. and that, like everything else they have, is something no one can take away from them…